Unrequited love is love Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. In religious context, love is not just a virtue, but the basis for all being , and the foundation for all divine law (Golden Rule) that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."

History

Unrequited love has a long cultural history. The 1st century BC Roman poet Catullus Gaius Valerius Catullus was a Latin poet of the Republican period. His surviving works are still read widely, and continue to influence poetry and other forms of art wrote about his unrequited love for Lesbia She was a poet in her own right, included with Catullus in a list of famous poets whose girlfriends "often" helped them write their verses. The name Lesbia was chosen for several reasons, including its metrical match with her real name. The 2nd century AD orator Apuleius of Madaura gave a list of four such identities in court, to in several of his Carmina. Abraham Cowley Abraham Cowley was an English poet born in the City of London late in 1618. He was one of the leading English poets of the seventeenth century, with 14 printings of his Works published between 1668 and 1721 wrote of the emotion (in "Anacreontiques: Or, Some Copies of Verses Translated Paraphrastically out of Anacreon Anacreon (570 BC – 488 BC) was a Greek lyric poet, notable for his drinking songs and hymns. Later Greeks included him in the canonical list of nine lyric poets"):

"A mighty pain to love it is,

And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;

But of all pains, the greatest pain

It is to love, but love in vain."

Alfred Edward Housman Alfred Edward Housman , usually known as A. E. Housman, was an English classical scholar and poet, best known for his cycle of poems A Shropshire Lad. Lyrical and almost epigrammatic in form, the poems were mostly written before 1900. Their wistful evocation of doomed youth in the English countryside, in spare language and distinctive imagery, wrote a poem inspired by his life-long unrequited love for his best friend Moses Jackson:

"He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?

He would not stay for me to stand and gaze.

I shook his hand and tore my heart in sunder

And went with half my life about my ways."

Analysis

As the literary selections suggest, the inability to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings Emotion is a complex psychological and physiological phenomenon involving an individual's state of mind and its interaction between that individual and their environment. In humans, emotion fundamentally involves "physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience". Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, such as depression Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines a depressed person as experiencing feelings of sadness, helplessness and hopelessness. In traditional colloquy, feeling "depressed" is often synonymous with feeling "sad", but both clinical depression, low self-esteem Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. A person's self-esteem may be reflected in their behaviour, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution. Self-esteem can apply, anxiety Anxiety is a psychological and physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These components combine to create an unpleasant feeling that is typically associated with uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry. Anxiety is a generalized mood condition that can often occur without an identifiable and rapid mood swings Mood swings are commonly associated with mood disorders, of which the classic examples are PMS [citation needed], bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression), and dissociative identity disorder (also known as multiple personality disorder). Another major factor in mood swings is hyperactivity or hyperactivity/inattentiveness such as ADHD and between depression and euphoria Euphoria is medically recognized as a mental/emotional state defined as a sense of great elation and wellbeing. Technically, euphoria is an affect, but the term is often colloquially used to define emotion as an intense state of transcendent happiness combined with an overwhelming sense of wellbeing. The word derives from Greek εὐφορία, &. A universal feeling, by some estimates affecting 98% of all people during their lifetimes,^[1] unrequited love has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture Popular culture is the totality of ideas, perspectives, attitudes, memes, images and other phenomena that are deemed preferred per an informal consensus within the mainstream of a given culture, specifically Western culture of the early to mid 20th century and the emerging global mainstream of the late 20th and early 21st century. Heavily.

The object of unrequited love is often a friend or acquaintance, someone regularly encountered in the workplace, during the course of work or other activities involving large groups of people. This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her true feelings, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association; revelation of the lover's feelings might invite rejection, cause embarrassment Embarrassment is an emotional state experienced upon having a socially or professionally unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others. Usually some amount of loss of honour or dignity is involved, but how much and the type depends on the embarrassing situation. It is similar to shame, except that shame may be experienced for an or might end all access to the beloved.

Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering, though contemporary western culture may give greater weight to practical, goal-oriented and self-assertive behavior. Literary and artistic depictions of unrequited love may depend on assumptions of social distance which have less relevance in democratic societies with relatively high social mobility, or less rigid codes of sexual fidelity. Nonetheless, the literary record suggests a degree of euphoria in the limerence Limerence is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessive form of romantic love. Limerence is sometimes also referred to as infatuation, or is colloquially known as a crush, but in reality it is something much associated with unrequited love, which has the advantage as well of carrying none of the responsibilities of mutual relationships.

In terms of the feelings of the hopeful one, it could be said that they undergo about the same amount of pain as does someone who is going through the breakup of a romantic relationship without ever having had the benefit of being in that relationship. On the other hand, some research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.^[1]

Moreover, while it is not identical with puppy love The term eggs can also be used to describe the fondness of a child for an adult. For example, students’ being attracted to their teachers, or children to older celebrities, could be considered puppy love, it can be associated with the underconfidence and emotional immaturity of extreme youth, as illustrated by its prominence as a theme in the work of Charles Schulz Charles Monroe Schulz was an American cartoonist, whose comic strip Peanuts is considered to be one of the most popular and influential in the history of the medium; his Peanuts Peanuts is a syndicated daily and Sunday comic strip written and illustrated by Charles M. Schulz, which ran from October 2, 1950, to February 13, 2000 , continuing in reruns afterward. The strip is considered to be one of the most popular and influential in the history of the medium, with 17,897 strips published in all, making it "arguably character Charlie Brown Charles "Charlie" Brown is the main protagonist in the comic strip Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz suffers from unrequited love for the Little Red-Haired Girl The Little Red-Haired Girl is an unseen character in the Peanuts comic strip by Charles M. Schulz, and is a symbol of unrequited love. While never seen in the strip, she appears onscreen in several television specials. Her name is sometimes cited in these as Heather. She serves as the object of Charlie Brown's desire. He most often notices her, as does Peppermint Patty Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt is a fictional character featured in Charles M. Schulz's comic strip Peanuts. A freckle-faced auburn/brunette, she is one of a small group in the strip who lives across town from Charlie Brown and his school friends. She generally displays the characteristics of a tomboy. She made her first for Charlie Brown, Lucy van Pelt Lucille "Lucy" van Pelt is a fictional character in the syndicated comic strip Peanuts, written and drawn by Charles Schulz. She is the older sister of Linus and Rerun. Lucy is a crabby and cynical eight-year old girl, and is often bossy toward the other characters in the strip, particularly to Linus and Charlie Brown. She is often for Schroeder Schroeder is a fictional character in the long-running comic strip Peanuts, created by Charles M. Schulz. He is distinguished by his precocious skill at playing the toy piano, as well as by his love of classical music and the composer Ludwig van Beethoven in particular. Schroeder is also the catcher on Charlie Brown's baseball team, though he is, Sally Brown Sally Brown is the younger sister of Charlie Brown in the comic strip Peanuts by Charles Schulz. She was first mentioned in early 1959 and throughout a long series of strips before her first appearance in August 1959 for Linus van Pelt Linus van Pelt is a character in Charles M. Schulz's comic strip Peanuts. The best friend of Charlie Brown, Linus is also the younger brother of Lucy van Pelt and older brother of Rerun van Pelt. He first appeared on September 19, 1952; however, he was not mentioned by name until three days later. He was first referenced two months earlier, on, and Linus Linus van Pelt is a character in Charles M. Schulz's comic strip Peanuts. The best friend of Charlie Brown, Linus is also the younger brother of Lucy van Pelt and older brother of Rerun van Pelt. He first appeared on September 19, 1952; however, he was not mentioned by name until three days later. He was first referenced two months earlier, on for his teacher, Miss Othmar (and later a girl in his class, Lydia). Charlie Brown famously notes in one strip^{[citation needed]}: "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." According to Aron, Aron and Allen, "incidence of unreciprocated love [is] greatest for those whose self-reported attachment style was anxious/ambivalent."^[2]

In literature

Dante Alighieri Dante Alighieri , commonly known as Dante, was an Italian poet of the Middle Ages. He was born in Florence. He died and is buried in Ravenna. The name Dante is, according to the words of Jacopo Alighieri, a hypocorism for Durante. In contemporary documents it is followed by the patronymic Alagherii or de Alagheriis; it was Boccaccio who's love for Beatrice Portinari Beatrice "Bice" di Folco Portinari was a Florentine woman and the principal inspiration for Dante Alighieri's Vita Nuova. Beatrice also appears as his guide in Divine Comedy (La Divina Commedia) in the last book, Paradise, and in the last four canti of Purgatory. There she takes over as guide from the Latin poet Virgil because, as a as depicted in La Vita Nuova and the Divine Comedy The Divine Comedy is an epic poem written by Dante Alighieri between 1308 and his death in 1321. It is widely considered the preeminent work of Italian literature, and is seen as one of the greatest works of world literature. The poem's imaginative and allegorical vision of the Christian afterlife is a culmination of the medieval world-view as it, along with Petrarch Francesco Petrarca , known in English as Petrarch, was an Italian scholar, poet and one of the earliest Renaissance humanists. Petrarch is often called the "Father of Humanism". In the 16th century, Pietro Bembo created the model for the modern Italian language based on Petrarch's works, as well as those of Giovanni Boccaccio and,'s devotion to Laura, established a spiritualized view of unrequited love. In this, as in the literary tradition of courtly love Courtly love was a medieval European conception of nobly and chivalrously expressing love and admiration. Generally, courtly love was secret and between members of the nobility. It was also generally not practiced between husband and wife (which was, at least by convention, regularly adulterous, but not typically brought to physical consummation), the longing for the beloved spurs the lover towards physical, moral and/or spiritual perfection. This chivalrous ideal is both lampooned and glorified in Don Quixote Don Quixote (Spanish: Don Quijote ; English: /ˌdɒn kiːˈhoʊtiː/, see spelling and pronunciation below), fully titled The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote of La Mancha (Spanish: El ingenioso hidalgo don Quijote de la Mancha), is a novel written by Spanish author Miguel de Cervantes. Cervantes created a fictional origin for the story by inventing.

Other classic literary works which use unrequited love as a key theme include:

• Many of William Shakespeare William Shakespeare [a] was an English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world's pre-eminent dramatist. He is often called England's national poet and the "Bard of Avon".[b] His surviving works, including some collaborations, consist of 38 plays,[c] 154 sonnets, two long narrative's plays focus on instances of unrequited love, such as A Midsummer Night's Dream A Midsummer Night's Dream is a comedy by William Shakespeare. It is believed to have been written around 1594 to 1596. It portrays the adventures of four young Athenian lovers, a group of amateur actors, their interactions with the Duke of Athens, Theseus, the Queen of the Amazons, Hippolyta, and with the fairies who inhabit a moonlit forest. The, Twelfth Night Twelfth Night, or What You Will is a comedy by William Shakespeare, believed to have been written around 1601-02 as a Twelfth Night's entertainment for the close of the Christmas season. The play expanded on the musical interludes and riotous disorder expected of such an occasion, with plot elements drawn from the short story "Of Apollonius, and Othello Othello, the Moor of Venice is a tragedy by William Shakespeare, believed to have been written in approximately 1603, and based on the Italian short story "Un Capitano Moro" by Cinthio, a disciple of Boccaccio, first published in 1565. The work revolves around four central characters: Othello, a Moorish general in the Venetian army; his.
• Boccaccio Giovanni Boccaccio (Italian pronunciation: [bokˈkattʃo]) was an Italian author and poet, a friend, student, and correspondent of Petrarch, an important Renaissance humanist and the author of a number of notable works including the Decameron, On Famous Women, and his poetry in the Italian vernacular. Boccaccio is particularly notable for his's novel Elegia di Madonna Fiammetta
• Edmond Rostand's play Cyrano de Bergerac
• Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's novel The Sorrows of Young Werther
• Gaston Leroux's novel The Phantom of the Opera
• Victor Hugo's novels The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Les Miserables
• Charles Dickens' novels Great Expectations and A Tale of Two Cities
• Emily Brontë's novel Wuthering Heights
• Alexander Pushkin's novel Eugene Onegin
• F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel The Great Gatsby
• Gabriel García Márquez' novel Love in the Time of Cholera
• Félix Arvers, "The Poet of a single poem", confides his unrequited love feelings in his famous Sonnet d'Arvers, ("Un Secret"), dedicated to Marie, the daughter of writer Charles Nodier.
• France Prešeren, Slovenia's national poet, wrote a sonnet cycle (Sonetni Venec - A Wreath of Sonnets) dedicated to his unhappy love for Julija Primic.

In musical theater

Many famous operas and musicals also include some strong element of misunderstood or unrequited love:

• Carmen
• La traviata
• Tosca
• Aida
• The Barber of Seville and The Marriage of Figaro
• The Phantom of the Opera

In music

Unrequited love has been a topic used repeatedly by musicians; as in literature, its inherent conflicts and universality provide rich opportunities for lyric expression. The often-covered song Glad to Be Unhappy captures the essential ambivalence of the experience:

"Unrequited love's a bore

And I've got it pretty bad

But for someone you adore

It's a pleasure to be sad"

Many songs of Dusty Springfield convey the theme of unrequited love, most notably "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" and "I Only Want to Be with You." The songs from the album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by The Smashing Pumpkins delves heavily into unrequited love with songs such as "Lily", "Galapagos", "Beautiful", "Thru The Eyes Of Ruby" or "By Starlight."

Other iconic instances include:

• Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" and "Sara"
• Bruce Springsteen's "I Wish I Were Blind"
• Oasis's "Stop Crying Your Heart Out"
• The Zombies' "She's Not There"
• The Clash's "Train in Vain"
• Nazareth's "Love Hurts"
• Neil Young's "Only Love Can Break Your Heart"
• The Rolling Stones' "Love In Vain" and "Angie"
• The Everly Brothers' "All I Have to Do Is Dream"
• Ray Charles' "I Can't Stop Loving You"
• Etta James' "I'd Rather Go Blind" and "All I Could Do Is Cry"
• Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me"
• REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling"
• REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Loving You"
• Donovan's "Catch the Wind"
• The Temptations' "Just My Imagination"
• Pearl Jam's "Black"
• Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl"
• Cat Stevens' "Here Comes My Baby"
• Derek and the Dominos' "Layla"
• Alice Cooper's "Might As Well Be On Mars"
• Michael Jackson' "Leave Me Alone" (Sung from the point of view of the desired person.)
• The Killers' "Mr. Brightside"
• The Killers' "Change Your Mind"
• The Association's "Cherish"
• The Brooklyn Bridge's "The Worst That Could Happen"
• Radiohead's "Creep"
• Lionel Richie's "Hello"
• Al Green's "I'm Still In Love With You"
• The Pharcyde's "Passin' Me By"
• J. Geils Band's "Love Stinks"
• The Eagles' "Best of My Love"
• "If Ever" - recorded on John Denver's Dreamland Express and the soundtrack for Down in the Delta (recorded by Stevie Wonder; also appears on The Ballad Collection)
• Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag"
• Escape the Fate' "Something"
• Kate Nash ' "The Nicest Thing"
• Mariah Carey's "All I've Ever Wanted"
• The Police's "Every Breath You Take"
• The Corrs's "What Can I Do?"
• The Corrs's "Love To Love You"
• Streetlight Manifesto and Catch 22's "Kristina She Don't Know I Exist"
• The Wombats's "Little Miss Pipedream"
• Taylor Swift's "Teardrops On My Guitar"

Movies

• (500) Days of Summer
• Casablanca
• Gone With the Wind
• Sabrina
• Taxi Driver
• Sixteen Candles
• Fatal Attraction
• My Best Friend's Wedding
• The Holiday

Books

• Loves me, loves me not: the ethics of unrequited love / Laura Smit., 2005
• Breaking hearts: the two sides of unrequited love / Baumeister, Roy., 1992

See also

• Erotomania
• Existential crisis
• Love-shyness
• Obsessive love

References

1. ^ ^{a b} Goleman, Daniel (1993-02-09). "Pain of Unrequited Love Afflicts the Rejecter, Too - NYTimes.com". New York Times. http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CE1DB1E3DF93AA35751C0A965958260. Retrieved 2010-03-31.
2. ^ Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Vol. 24, No. 8, 787-796 (1998)

External links

• How unrequited love can be an illness, or even fatal (BBC)

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